Laying My Isaac Down

When they came to the place of which God had told him,
Abraham built the altar there and laid the wood in order and
bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood.
Then Abraham reached out his hand and took the knife to slaughter his son. Genesis 2: 9 & 10

Put yourself in his shoes. Abraham’s shoes. Told by God to kill his own, son—his long-awaited son through whom all the promises would be fulfilled. No person and certainly no thing was more important to Abraham than his son, Isaac.

My Isaac
And so I ask: What is the most important, precious thing to you right now? What is it that you cannot fathom living without? That you cannot think about letting go of.

Whatever that is, it is your “Isaac.”

For me, at one point in my life, “my Isaac” was the dream of being loved by a man the way I wanted to love a man. It was the only way I thought I could be fulfilled in my future.

And the call from God to let go of my dream, my Isaac, was a devastating crisis in my life.

The option of love, marriage and children with a woman was not an interest or an option. That kind of romantic and physical attraction just wasn’t in me. At the same time, ‘going gay’ was not an option either. And so, I was faced with the reality and longing for homosexual relationships was within me to stay, I thought. How could there ever be joy in my life, knowing that I had to “kill,” Like Abraham, the one dream that could have brought fulfillment to my life.

Jesus was asking me to let go of, discard, my “Isaac.” My only hope in life, Jesus was telling me to give up to Him. I would forever be without my “Isaac” and without fulfillment in my life. It seemed to be more than I could bear.

Self Harm or Not
I had a choice. Live without ‘my Isaac’ or live outside of God’s plan, design and intent for my life.

With the support of caring friends, I chose to trust God’s character and nature. Faith. Even though I saw nothingness in my future without “my Isaac,” I chose to follow Him over my feelings.

If God could ask Abraham to let go of his son and Abraham and say, “Yes,” then I could give him ‘my Isacc,’ my sexuality – my life without every loving a man like I want to love and never being loved by a man like I wanted to be loved.

Here, Take it
Tearfully and painfully, I gave God “my Isaac.” I wept, and I wept, and I wept.

My hope and my future seemed to die. MY hope and MY future did die. Now my hope and my future were in the hands of His character and nature.

I sacrificed it, gave it to Him. It seemed like an empty dark pit. I had absolutely no vision for my future at that point.

Die to Live
I only gave Him my “Isaac’ with a mustard seed of faith that He had my best interest in mind. I knew His character. I believed He was trustworthy.

He who finds his life will lose it,
and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.
Matthew 10:39

For whoever wants to save their life[a] will lose it,
but whoever loses their life for me will find it.
Matthew 16:25

Gradually, though, as I obeyed and followed Jesus I found real life, spiritual life, joyful life, content life and abundant life. The life that I found in trusting Him led to more joy in Him and in others that I had ever even dreamed of in my former ideals.

He is the God who gives life to the dead and
calls into being things that were not.
Romans 4:17

God’s plan for me was marriage to a woman and a family. To others, His plan has been a life of singleness. But the unsurpassed joy that He wants for us all can only be found in letting go of our ‘Isaac,’ so that we can enter into an intimate, joyful relationship with Christ Jesus on this earth, and through all eternity.

Let go of your ‘Isaac’ and enjoy the journey with Him forever.